Am I Still His Mom?

 As mothers our priority when we have children is to train, guide and protect. So when my Teenager – my first born- starts to make those choices without me… when he begins to become the adult I’ve raised him to be…where does that leave me? Am I still his mom?

[tweetthis]…as he begins to become an adult…where does that leave me? Am I still his mom? #TheMrsTee #Parenting[/tweetthis]

#TheTeenager. That’s how you all know him but before he got there I knew him as my baby and my boy. When he reached those teen years I was in awe at the personality that had developed during those 12 years. He was his own person but I still knew he needed me. It was me he came to when He was sad, hurt, confused, happy, etc. It was me he sought out for advice and support. It was me. He needed a mom and it was me.

Now that he is at the very end of those teen years. Now that he is 19, of age and in the eyes of the law an adult my role isn’t as clear. Those times when he needs me are farther apart. He seeks my advice less. I see glimpses of the boy I once knew but I am also getting to know and interact with this developing young man more and more often. The thing is: I’m not sure I want to meet him just yet.

I’ve been in a small okay huge case of denial since his 19th Birthday. Everyone was wishing him the best in becoming an adult and all I saw was that baby I held, the boy I hugged and the teenager I grew to admire. I didn’t want to know him as an adult. Not yet. I’m just not ready.

So now I wonder…How do I let go? How do I not be the teacher, protector and guide that I have been all these years? How do I allow him to take the lessons taught and apply them on his own? 

Yet it isn’t about me is it? I mean during the past 19 years we’ve had my end goal has always been to prepare him for this exact moment. Adulthood. So why then am I so scared that it’s actually happening? It’s actually here! That time when he has to make his own choices and decisions. It’s here and he is ready. Why then is it so hard? As I watch him be the man I’ve always wanted him to be all I seem to worry about is am I still the mom I once was?

I find myself holding on for dear life. I resist giving him my approval thinking somehow that will hold him back. It doesn’t. Instead it is pushing him away. I can’t seem to hide my emotions or hurt in letting him go and it’s doing damage. The kid who used to confide in me everything is becoming the young man who holds back to spare my feelings. Is that what I want? Do I want to hold on to the boy and risk loosing the man he is becoming? No. No. No.

I want to know the young man he is becoming and well as the man he will be. I know that the foundation for that is the boy I love and he will always be there.

[tweetthis]I AM still mom. I can love protect & guide without taking away from his adulthood. #TheMrsTee #Parenting[/tweetthis]

I must learn and accept that even though he is an adult I am still his mom. I always will be. I can love protect and guide him without taking away from who he is becoming as an adult. I can still be his parent no matter what his age. How? By understanding that who he is is who I raised him to be so all of it is within him. Now is the time to let him be the man he is meant to and still be his mom the one person he can turn to when he needs to – no matter what.

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