Today I met with the pastor of a church I’ve been attending off and on for a little over a year. It’s a church I have been drawn to and feel I need to commit to in a more consistent way. As we talked, I shared a bit with him about my faith, it’s foundation and the difficulties I’ve had determining what things are my choice and what things are my destiny.
The Struggle
I’ve shared several posts that give a background on my journey to finding my true path – both the struggles and the victories. As an adult, I am at a point where I realize the calling on my life that I once walked away from is still there. It needs to be acknowledged, accepted and embraced. Yet the struggle I still have is understanding which part of that calling is by choice and which is by destiny.
As a child, I lived under the shadow of prophecy given over my life before I could even speak. Through every step of my Christian journey, I was reminded of the destiny I was meant to fulfill. I was taught, guided and instructed in the disciplines and tools I would need to be the Minister of God that prophecy foretold me to be.
Be The Destiny
Yet here’s the thing. I did as I was told because I was told. I believe in God’s word and his ability to speak over a person’s life. I walked in that prophecy and pushed myself to be what it was they all expected of me. I tried my best to be the destiny they spoke over me. Then came the doubt. Then came struggle. Then came rebellion. I no longer wanted to simply live to fulfill my destiny – I wanted a choice.
I didn’t want to simply work towards fulfilling something I hadn’t heard for myself. Now I was told my destiny – my purpose time and time again yet for me I just couldn’t grasp how my purpose could be predetermined with no input or say from the person meant to carry it out.
I Made A Choice
I made a choice to make all the choices my destiny once prohibited. I did what I wanted simply to prove I could. I walked away from my gifts and the teachings that had brought me into pulpits and drawn souls to altars. I chose to be anything but what my destiny determined. Every choice has consequences. Every destiny has responsibilities. I struggled with uncertainty, guilt and a lack of confidence in who I was to be.
A New Understanding
I am now at a place where I understand living on the path of your destiny does not mean giving up your right to have a choice. It simply means you make your choices based on where you know God means for you to be.
I’m thankful for my struggles because it was through them I came to a new place in my life and in my walk with God. I have broken free of the restraints I felt my destiny placed on me and come closer to embracing the freedom I gain by being the person God desires me to be.
Have you ever questioned your faith walk?
How did you find your way back?
“Believe in yourself, your passions, and your dreams. Your voice is unique – build on that. Embrace what is different about you and make it your greatest asset!”
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