Have you ever felt unqualified for the blessings God gives? As if His faith in you is somehow misplaced? You know those moments when you pray for growth, promotion or elevation but when it comes you’re like wait – I’m not ready!
Fake It?
I’ve been there more times than I may admit. Moments when I’ve felt like the kid who’s begged to sit at the adult table for the Holidays but once you get there and realize you have to cut your own turkey you begin to think maybe you should’ve stayed at the kiddie table for just one more year.
This feeling is often called Imposter Syndrome. It happens when you walk through doors opened in your life but then feel that maybe you aren’t meant to or even ready to be there. You begin to doubt your own ability and even right to a place you’ve worked and prepared to be.
As a teenager, I expressed these feelings to a mentor and was told to simply ‘fake ’til I could make it‘. I know the intention was good but the problem in that advice was it still made me feel as if I weren’t worthy of the place I held.
Faking it simply reinforced that feeling of being an imposter – someone who didn’t’ earn or deserve to be where she was. I would always feel as if there were someone else who should have the position, opportunity or promotion. I lost out on the joy of an accomplishment by always feeling it wasn’t really meant for me.
Faith It!
Recently I decided to change that mantra a bit. I took away the fake and replaced it with faith. Faith it til ya make it! In the years since that mentor, I’ve still struggled with second-guessing my right to certain things. Whether the blessing was by chance or truly mine.
That doubt would cause me to not only miss out on joy but continued success because I would somehow talk myself out of the next open door. Convincing myself that I needed to wait until I was at this person’s level or that they should be there instead of me.
When I allowed my faith to become the bridge to my success I realized God has never opened a door that wasn’t meant for me. Whether I believed it or not God knew His plan far better than I did. He always knows the why behind a situation many times before I do.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
It’s that blind trust – faith – in the reasons, purposes and things I can’t see that gets me beyond the moments of doubt in myself and pushes me into the places of faith in who God is.
Now when God places me in the places I’ve prayed for I no longer question my ability because in doing that I feel I’m also questioning His ability. His ability to prepare me for the places He is planting me to grow.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Doubt for me comes in the midst of the unknown. I’m a planner. I need to see the path ahead because for me my trust is normally built along the journey. Not knowing the how, when or why tests my ability to simply let go. I don’t often pass those tests.
Here’s the thing though. When you trust the motives of the one leading you no longer question how you get there or even where there is. You begin to simply trust the process and the purpose. You trust that it’s your good they have in mind and then the fear of the how gives way to faith in the who.
I may have gotten to a point where I have changed things from fake to faith but don’t get me wrong – it’s still a process. I’m still learning, struggling at times and even forgetting BUT I am pushing forward.
I no longer wonder why God has placed me somewhere. Instead, I simply ask for the knowledge, courage, and faith to serve why He has in placing me there.
“Believe in yourself, your passions, and your dreams. Your voice is unique – build on that. Embrace what is different about you and make it your greatest asset!”
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- Cape Fear Regional Theatre – Best In The House – May 1, 2021
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