My one word for 2021 was worthy.  I wanted to remind myself that I am worthy of all the opportunities that God provides.  I have this annoyingly human tendency to doubt not only myself but at times my worthiness and I want that to stop.

One of the ways I planned to stop that was to change my approach to my day.  As a kid, I had my ‘good clothes‘ and then my everyday stuff.  It always seemed like the clothes I loved the most I wore the least. I was always waiting for a special event, occasion, or reason to wear them.  This year every day is an event!  I dress in my favorite things on a Monday, Thursday,  or Saturday.  It’s been awesome!

Still, as I walk in my worthiness I realized there were a bunch of things I’ve never done.  Most recently I was able to check learning to ride a bike off that list but now I’d like to add another.  I never went to prom. I knew I had to get creative with this since it’s kinda hard to have a do-over but I think I found a way to never again say. . .

Instead of searching for the perfect dress when my senior prom came around, I was 2 months pregnant and searching for the perfect route to the bathroom in between Senior homeroom and typing class. My senior year was more focused on trying to will my breakfast to stay put as I sat through final exams and graduation rehearsals. Prom night was something I simply added to my list of things never meant to be for me. No fancy dress, makeup, or photos.

Yet in all my life of I’ve nevers it’s only recently I began to realize doesn’t need to be forever. I still have time to add this and so much more to my list of things I’ve done loved and remember. To make them a list of never say never again.

This is the thought I heard as a whisper when my boss told me she felt I should participate in a fashion show centered around spotlighting women of power. Ummm but I’ve never. I don’t. I’m not that girl. You know which one: the fancy, 6-inch heel all dressed up girl. I’m a chucks with my dress, hair straight down, no makeup, no filter, no-fuss girl.

Deep down part of that 17-year-old girl who never went to her prom was grateful because she never had to pick the dress, do the fitting, wear the shoes, or be that girl.

Now as a 42-year-old woman, wife and mother – where in the world do I fit in at a fashion show? Especially one that’s all about big ol’ dresses. Oh and don’t get me started on the runway part. That could’ve been a ‘I’ve never’ all on it’s own!

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda got stuck on the fashion show part. I mean, after all, I’ve never had a reason much less a place to get dressed up. Like the big dress, makeup, and all the things! So my reply was an instant no.  I mean, does she know me at all?

Then I allowed the whisper to get louder. Just because I’ve never done it didn’t mean I could never do it. Before I could think myself out of it I pulled up the application and hit send. There. It was done.

I had regrets. Instantly. What had I done?  Did I just put myself out there to not only be in front of people but be in front of people in a fancy dress – with lights, cameras, hair, and makeup!?!?

Lawd. How could I take this back? I tried to come up with a way. An excuse. An exit stage left opportunity. The first try was a lack of a sponsor. I mean I couldn’t do it without a sponsor. Right?

Remember the boss who suggested I participate? Well, she also put up half of my sponsorship fee, and my husband put in the balance despite my pleas to simply let my never remain a never.

Somehow I was still doing this. Calls were made.  Emails were sent. Fittings – good Lord – fittings were booked. Videos recorded. Promotions posted.

I was picking out a fancy dress, shoes, Spanx, and all the things to make this I’ve never happen right now. I even booked a makeup appointment, spraytan and all the girly type things!

The day we picked out dresses for the fashion show I followed instructions and brought a pair of heels for the fitting. Yes, I own heels BUT I don’t like wearing them. I always feel so – not me. I joke and tell folks I could fall standing still so adding inches to my challenge isn’t something I see as a good idea. As I stood – unsteadily – on the showroom stage I knew this is just not me.

I took my dress off and started searching for the perfect sneaker to match my floor-length sparkly ball gown. I found them in a few clicks & swipes – yup I’m that good!

The day of the show I snuck my sneakers in my bag still inside the box. I felt like a rebel. Somehow I felt I was breaking some sort of rule by not wearing the 4-6 inch heels. I normally like rules. I enforce them. I keep them. But not this time.

As they told everyone to put on their stage shoes for dress adjustments I told the woman next to me my plan to wear sneakers. I was both surprised and comforted by her response: girl wear them! Do what fits who you are! I am sure she had no idea how much I needed to hear that.

Despite being an advocate for authenticity I was so scared to somehow not meet the standard for a fancy fashion show – until that moment. Then across the room, I saw that another woman of power was exerting her power by wearing cowboy boots with her gown! That’s when I realized my sneakers, my glasses, my wonky style and my ability to simply be me is what makes me – ME.

We didn’t need permission to be true to what made us comfortable and feel most like ourselves. Not sure why that felt like such an epiphany but it did and I’m thankful for the reminder.

I’m still in awe of how life can prove that it’s never too late but I’m also a bit enamored with myself for not backing out.

This may be nothing more than a day in a dress for many but for me, it’s God teaching me yet again – He is never through with me and His favor is never-ending. Next time you place a never on your life remember never works both ways and maybe instead of being the end to your thought, it’s truly just the beginning.

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