Mother’s Day for me has always been a bit of a …hmmm…I don’t want to say struggle but I guess that is the best word that would apply. If you know anything about me, you know I was raised by my Grandmother. Having Kids of my own has definitely given me the courage to try and save my Mother’s Day with my own Mother. Becoming a Mother myself my kids saved my Mother’s Day by giving me a way to change the path of my journey not only as a Mother but with my Mother.
As a child, when I would go to my Mother’s home the atmosphere was so different than what I was used to I never knew how to act. The absence of the Mother to Daughter moments in my life – the ones my sisters were able to experience on a daily basis – were tangible to me. I could feel the void in my relationship with her and it was painful and awkward. I would always leave her home feeling left out and at some point I decided I was better that way. Better off as an outsider than trying to fit in where I didn’t belong.
As an adult I tried to stay in contact, connected, but still that bonded feeling was just absent or maybe insufficient. Every attempt to make our relationship more than just a friendship was strained and uncomfortable. Maybe I should have tried harder? I’m not sure. I’m 35 and I’m still not sure. Recently my Mother reached out to me and told me she wishes she could have been the Mother I deserved. Why now? I’m happy. I’ve accepted what our relationship will not be.
On top of everything, what does that mean? The Mother I deserved? My Grandmother was that person I went to when I was sad, lost, confused, or just in need. Wasn’t that the Mother I deserved? If so, how do you incorporate a Mother who wasn’t there in those ways? I’ve never wanted to push her away I just wanted to stop fighting for my place, I wanted to be drawn to her not squeezed in. It was tiring and once I had my Kids I decided to stop fighting to be a daughter and instead focus on being a Mother.
I was a Mother. I had a brand new chance. I could be the Mother I wanted for so long. I could give them what I felt was missing. Still every year with Mother’s Day comes these feelings. The what should I say, how should I act confusion. Should I call, mail a card…what?
My day is always full of love, kisses and smothering by my Hubby and Kids yet when it comes to offering that to my own Mother it just doesn’t come. At least not naturally. Does this make me a bad person? A bad daughter? I’m not sure. I hope not. I pray not.
So I will try for the sake of my kids. Why? Because she’s still my Mother, she is their Grandmother and it deserves the effort. Doesn’t it? I need to breach the gap and create the bond if not for myself at least with them. This is How My Kids Saved My Mother’s Day. They have given me a reason to keep trying and not simply give up. After all Mother’s Day is for Mothers.
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10 thoughts on “My Kids Saved My Mother’s Day”
This is a really beautiful post. Having our own children really changes everything else in our life. Your relationship with your mom will continue to evolve too – don't be too hard on yourself! Glad you had a great day with your kids! Have a wonderful week.
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Thank you Lanaya. It was definitely one of those where my finger hovered with hesitation over the publish button. I know many may not understand it because you should automatically be connected to your mom but that isn\’t always the case. I am so thankful for my Kiddies for showing that it does take work and that work it worth the effort. Thank you and I hope you had a wonderful day with your cutie Reagan 😀
I’m glad your kids have made Mother’s Day a special day for you.
I am too. They are truly my Blessings. I hope you had a wonderful Mother\’s Day, Sonya!
Aww, I don't think that you're a bad person. It must have been a long time now for you but I still believe time will heal all wounds. And it's never easy if you still feel the pain. I'm close with my mother but not with my mom-in-law. I've never really called her "mom" ever since and I felt it was so awkward. I'm glad your kids saved your mother's day though and hope you enjoyed your special day! 🙂
Thank you Rea! I don\’t think either of us (me or my mom) are bad people I just think she had hard choices and the impact reached further than she maybe realized it would. It isn\’t easy but I am trying to learn how to release the pain and my Kiddies are helping me with that part of the journey a lot. I hope you had a wonderful Mother\’s Day as well 😀
My mom and I are very close, but I'm not very close with my mother in-law and neither is my husband anymore. Its now awkward and stressful to be around his parents, and his mother is always trying to guilt trip him and bate us to come see them by saying they will buy things for my son. Fortunately, we stay with my mom and she's the best. All we can do is pray for his parents (mind you they have a lot going on) and continue to work at the relationship. Sometimes it seems like we take one step forward and two back with them. It would be great if we had the same support from her (them) that we have from my mom, but they have their focus on judging rather than loving. Anyway, I've learned through this experience to really appreciate my mom and value her.
Strained relationships with anyone can take normally easy and happy moments and make them so uncomfortable. It is always good to have at least one person you have an easy way to relate to. I am so grateful for my Grandmother for this very reason. We may have our misunderstandings but who she is to me has never been in question. Thanks so much for coming by Tenns and I hope your first Mother\’s Day is an absolutely memorable and lovely one! xoxoxo 😀
I feel your pain. For the most part, my mother wasn’t a bad mother, she just wasn’t a good one. I was trying to explain it to my husband today. There were times she was there, but many more times she was not, and it still hurts when this day rolls around. Happy Mother’s Day to you. We can always be reminded of the mother don’t want to be.
It can be so hard to explain to people and often times I am just seen as the bad daughter. It's hard to release hurt that has left scars but with God, my Hubby and my Kiddies I am making steps to. I can completely understand what you mean. I tell her I don't dislike her or anything. It's just…different. You're right. I know how I don't want to be which helps me to be better. Thanks so much for coming by and I hope you Mother's Day is full of love and blessings 🙂 xoxoxo