“Please be patient with me, God is not through with me yet.” It seems like this song comes back to me in some of the most confusing and reflective times of my Christian life. Yet today, it’s from a different perspective where the patience isn’t something I need to receive but instead to give – to myself.
Looking Back
As I sat in church this morning, I thought on how far I’ve come from where I used to be, where I thought I would be and even where I wanted to be. I grew up in the church. I was a licensed Minister by the age of 18. I ran services, lead praise and worship, spoke at churches and conferences but in all of that I always felt like something was missing. I was missing. I was living my life based on what everyone around me expected, wanted and predicted was my destiny. Yet somewhere I lost my desires in there. I started taking their word for it when I should have been searching the word for myself.
Close to 20 years after that part of my life, I find myself wondering where I should be in God, in ministry and in my own personal journey. I have been starting to lose patience with myself. Running on repeat the mantra that I should be more, further ahead and somewhere other than where I am. Yet in all my wondering I know the lack of patience is in reality a symptom of a bigger issue. A lack of change and growth. I’ve allowed myself to become weary. How many of you know that a weary heart yields no growth?
It’s Me
I find myself singing this song to myself a lot lately. I realize now that I need to learn to have patience with myself. In order to release this weary eeling have to release mt need to meet the expectations of others and instead seek only His. Life is a process and the same applies to my walk with God. Even though I may not be where I used to be I’m still going to push through to where I need to be. God knows my heart, God knows my desires and He knows my purpose even when I may not see it clearly myself.
From this point forward, instead of trying to reach limits and goals based on where I think other people think I should be I’m going to live my life working day by day towards where I know he wants me to be.
“Believe in yourself, your passions, and your dreams. Your voice is unique – build on that. Embrace what is different about you and make it your greatest asset!”
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