This week has been a bit hectic to say the least with back to school shopping and prep so I was a bit late on realizing that I had no Swap Buddy – thank goodness for the #AskAwayFriday Facebook Page and Christy from Uplifting Families for coming to my rescue. Christy and I were both in a last minute search for a Buddy. We decided to ask each other questions (5 from each of us where I answer her 5 plus my own and vice versa…this was a last minute swap after all) about being the parents of the dreaded T word…Teenagers!
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Parenting Teenagers can be trying, stressful and challenging but seeing the results and the proof in their lives definitely makes it all worth it. This week Christy and I decided to ask each other a few things about how we parent our respective ‘T’ Words…. Teenagers!
Christy Asked..
I honestly had to go look up what SnapChat was. I have had a few issues in the past with my son on social media like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter so we removed all of his accounts until this past summer. He was only 14 when he first had them and didn’t understand that there were people out there not necessarily trying to be his friend. Even though I monitored his accounts we felt that it was more problems than we wanted and he needed to wait a bit longer so that he understood what it all really meant. I feel this was the best decision for my child. All teens are different and I think, as a parent, you have to know you child to make nearly any decision for their best interests.
Now that he is 17 he understands a lot more about being safe while online. He has watched me with my Blog and seen that there are somethings I simply won’t share through social media and now he gets why. I am added to all of his Social Media accounts and can monitor how he presents himself there but other than that I feel that now he is old enough to make those choices for himself.
Luckily my Teenager is much like me when it comes to selecting and calling someone a ‘friend’. I have seen that he is very good at filtering out people he feels will either take away from or hinder him from where he wants to be. The few people that he has chosen to call his friends and young men that I know have their goals and paths chosen and are working towards them.
I do make it a point to get to know the parent of my son’s friends because I feel that if our children are friends we should at least know each other. You can tell a lot about a child by how their parent interacts with you as another parent.
This is a great question! The Teenager and I actually share a love of music. He loves old school music like Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Frank Sinatra, Sam Cooke (yes he listens to it all on his own…lol). Then he also loves DubStep, R&B, Rap, Pop, etc. I actually love a lot of his DubStep choices and when we find a new one we often share it with each other.
I think a lot of his love for different genres and artists is based on his desire to find different sounds for his band and section arrangements but I love that this is something we can connect through. He has even started my younger Kiddies in on this love for older and different types of music. On any given day one of them can be heard singing a bit of Frank or Sam to themselves as they play.
The pants hanging half off! I HATE this and I so wish it was over already. The other day my son and I saw a boy in the doctors office who was sick and struggling to walk and his pants were so close to falling off it made me nervous. Luckily The Teenager has no love for this look. He is a total American Eagle, Aeropostale kinda kid. Slim Fit Jeans, Sperry Tider, Converse, Boots and a T-Shirt, Hoodie or button up are pretty much his standard daily look – with a side of silly :D
I Asked…
I definitely see how my Teenager has an influence over my younger Kiddies. Like I mentioned above, they love whatever song he may be singing, they repeat his phrases and even try to imitate his mannerisms. Kids often reflect what they see the most and in a home with 4 Kiddies their older brother is definitely one of their biggest and most seen images.
I always tell him that they are watching even when he may not notice. I have told him that the choices he makes may very well be the ones they choose later so to choose wisely and carefully. I have overheard (shhh…don’t tell) him telling his friends that he wouldn’t do something because he wouldn’t want to see his sister or brother doing it. *Insert Proud Momma Moment*
I do. I feel that he can learn from both my success and my mistakes. He knows the entire story of my Teen Pregnancy with him as well as the struggles that I dealt with while trying to juggle being a good Mom and still achieve the goals I had for myself. I tell him pretty much all of my story – the good and the bad – in the hopes that they will serve as guides and reference when he makes choices in similar situations in his own life.
Balance. This can be so difficult to do. I am that Mom. The one who calls, texts and checks on him throughout the day especially now that he is living away from home in dorms. I worry. I stress. Yet I think that is all part of being a parent. You want to protect that which is a part of you.
I have learned to let go a bit. To wait for him to ask for help before I offer it even if I may see the need before he does. If I don’t do this I will not be raising a man or an independent individual but instead someone who expects another to always save him. It isn’t an easy thing to do…to watch your child head towards a cliff and hold in your scream. Instead I just make sure I am close by and always ready when he reaches out for help. Still even then I sometimes give him the knowledge to help himself so that the next time he sees the cliff on his own.
Whoa! I am still so not ready for this! Yes, my son is a Momma’s Boy to an extent and I am very picky when it comes to who I think is best for him. Yet watching him ‘check out’ girls and then see them checking him out. This is so not on my list of things I need…LOL
We did not allow him to go on a ‘date’ (a movie or outing without an accompanying adult) until he was nearly 16. I felt he needed to be ready mentally for what a relationship with a girl could bring. He found out quickly how someone he liked as a ‘friend’ could see him as more. It was hard watching him try to find words to tell a girl he liked how and felt and even how to let a girl down. I was happy to see that he did take care in both situations. I think I must be doing something right…LOL
To live his life with the freedom of knowing who he is, what he stands for and the impact he wants to leave and the knowledge to get there.
Wow! This was so much fun! Thanks so much to Christy for the idea of this swap and a new twist on a theme. I think I may need to do this again 🙂 Don’t forget to head over to see Christy at Uplifting Families and see how she answered my questions and her own…
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