My youngest son has called me his Princess almost from the time he could speak. He says ‘I love you’ at least 5 times a day and is always willing to give a hug whether you ask or not. I love it! I’ve always taught my sons how to love. The lessons I’ve given them have been a part of who we are as a family and how we treat those we care for the most.
As the main woman in my sons’ life, I want to make the most of every opportunity to teach themm how to love – the right way. It’s sad how many boys are growing up to be men who don’t know how to show love. Many of us have heard the old adage that a man who loves his mother will know how to love his wife. Knowing the impact the relationship between a mother and son can have pushes me to create clear lessons for my sons to build upon as they grow not only as men but for the relationships they build in life.
Show Love
Kids learn in several ways: example, practice and experience. Finding ways to teach love can be as simple as giving a hug for no reason to words of encouragement. My youngest son is 7 while my oldest at home is 21. The lessons I teach each of them are meant to give them a sense of freedom in showing love to those they care about. I want them to know showing love is healthy and gives strength to a relationship.
Growing up, many of my male relatives and friends were taught that showing their feelings somehow took away from who they were as men. This is not only ridiculous but the reason why many men of my generation struggle with expressing their feelings – both good and bad. The feeling of being somehow restricted by their feelings has made it hard for them to express and at times receive love.
Lessons In Love
Example
Children learn what they see. This means there are times when I have to be very aware of the way I show love to my husband, to them and to their sisters. I need them to see the example of love that I want them to show in their own lives. If we argue or disagree, I try to be sure they understand that disagreement does not mean love is not there. I try to show how love at times means compromise and even at times putting the one you love before yourself.
Experience
One way I teach my sons to love is by allowing them to experience love that is unconditional and at times undeserved. Whether they have done something wrong, hurt my feelings or simply failed to be loving themselves I always end our day with love. Simply saying “I Love You’ when they may feel they least deserve it can help them experience love in a new way.
Practice
Teaching my sons to love also includes showing them how to put love to action. Giving compliments, saying thank you or please and even understanding when it is time to simply listen. One way I can help them practice love is with their sisters and myself.
I have often sat with my youngest son and explained to him that his older sister may be having a bad day and perhaps a hug would help her feel better. I’ve reminded him that even though he doesn’t like something his younger sister has done she will always be his sister and that means he can try to forgive her.
I had such a proud moment when one day he recognized – on his own – that his sister was upset and even though he wasn’t the cause he went out of his way to show love to help her feel happier.
Small Things Matter
Raising 4 boys has taught me that even the smallest moments matter in helping them learn how to love. Here are a few ways I have helped teach them:
- Encouraging random acts of kindness
- Teaching them to speak love freely
- Allowing them to show their emotions
- Asking them to communicate how things make them feel
- Expecting them to show empathy for what others may be feeling
Are you a Mom to boys?
How do you teach them to love?
“Believe in yourself, your passions, and your dreams. Your voice is unique – build on that. Embrace what is different about you and make it your greatest asset!”
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