Parenting is never easy but when it comes to trying to protect your children from those not under your control it gets even harder. When my Teenager was in Kindergarten I had the moment we all dread. That phone call telling me that my son had been in a fight. I had never been prepared for what can happen when bullies attack and unfortunately this would be my first but not my last experience.
Why Didn’t I Know?
The first time it happened was in a Private School when we lived in New York. I was at work and received a call from my Grandmother saying the school contacted her and that my then 5 year old son had been in a fight. I told her I was leaving work and would meet her at the school. When I arrived the first thing I did was scan my son for injuries. He seemed fine but was very shaken up.
[tweetthis]He and another student had been having issues for a while but today it became physical. #MrsTeeH[/tweetthis]
I couldn’t understand why my son had not told me anything. We were nearly at the end of the school year and this was the first I was hearing about any of the picking and name calling that happened. A meeting with the child’s parents was set up. We discussed how wrong it was for any child to try and question another child’s race or ethnicity. The child was reprimanded by his parents and punished by the school for the fight.
Why My Child?
Throughout the entire incident I just kept asking myself…why my child? I knew before we sent him to school that he may face some issues of race and identity simply because he was a child of a mixed background. I asked my son to tell me what happened and to say I was upset as I listened to his small voice and the words he spoke – it still gets to me even now. He slowly explained that this little boy had picked with him everyday since school started. He asked him ‘what he was‘ and ‘why he looked like that‘ . My son got upset and this is where the constant bickering and arguing between the two began.
I had been here before. I had faced similar situations myself and sat through a few meetings with my Grandmother and another student’s parents. I would sit there annoyed and wondering why they were picking on me. Yet mine started well into Middle School and I was fully prepared by my Grandmother with how to handle and address it. I didn’t have a chance to give that preparation to my son. I didn’t think he needed it yet. Now that I realized how wrong I was I did not plan on making that mistake again in the future.
The After
I was forced to deal with the after of bullying. The damage done by the attack to my son and who he was. It wasn’t easy but we talked through it, hugged through it and even cried through it. Now at age 18 he is fully aware of who he is – all parts – and he has no problem expressing the pride he holds in that. Still when my daughter was born nearly 5 years later I prayed I would not have to deal with it again.
Not Again
Fast forward to my 8 year old daughter. She made it through Kindergarten and 1st Grade without any bullying issues.
[tweetthis] I kept thinking to myself ‘perhaps she will be okay’. #StopBullying #MrsTeeH[/tweetthis]
Until last week that is. Not even 4 weeks away from the end of 2nd Grade and I see my daughter limping to my car with tears in her eyes.
She had been pushed. There was a kid in her class who was known as a bully and he had decided that day that she was his target. He pushed her down in the playground and she had the cuts to prove it. Two really yucky looking cuts on one knew and a few scrapes and bruise on the other. The sight broke my heart. I consoled her and tried to understand why it happened. Had he always picked with her? Did they have issues? What had been said?
This Time Is Different
Her answers surprised me. No, he never really bothered her before. No, they didn’t argue. He hadn’t said anything to her at all. I was shocked. Why would someone target my child for no reason? My daughter went on to explain that this little boy seemed to be angry.
[tweetthis]She said he fought with everyone and it was someone different nearly everyday. #StopBullying #MrsTeeH[/tweetthis]
I made a call to the teacher and found out that what my daughter was explaining was true. He was a child with issues and had been suspended from school before for the same thing. I was so upset. Bullying is something that can be prevented and should be stopped yet it felt like this had no cause and like I had no way to protect or defend my child.
It Needs To Be Addressed
I’m not one to confront BUT I will protect my own at all costs. After speaking with my husband we decided the Principal needed to be notified of what happened. I went to the school and after speaking with her was told that the student and his parents would be addressed. To this date I am not sure if that has happened or not but what I do know is that bullying is not okay.
When bullies attack it causes nothing but emotional and at the worse physical damage to a child and their confidence. My daughter is healing physically but emotionally she still feels the impact of what happened. She doesn’t understand why she was this little boys target. I have done my best to explain that sometimes a person (even a child) has issues expressing their hurt, anger or even fear. When they choose to let that all out on another person it can happen in the form of bullying. I have given her all the dos and don’ts of how to handle a bully as well as how not to be a bully.
[tweetthis]I hope by sharing my stories of bullying I can give someone the confidence to address it #MrsTeeH[/tweetthis]
Has your child ever been the victim of bullying?
How did you address the situation?
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70 thoughts on “When Bullies Attack”
I'm so sorry your sweet baby girl was a target of bullying. I hope the school talked to the child's parents.
BIG HUGS!!
XOXO
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Thanks Hun! You know I was seeing red but had to put on my adult face…LOL xoxoxo
I've never been able to "get" bullies and what makes them tick. I got picked on by a couple of girls in middle school, who just seemed to have a nasty aggressive streak, and liked to make themselves feeling like better people by belittling others. I'm so sorry your babies have been through this – it's getting out of hand, and schools really need a more aggressive policy on correcting the situation!
I don’t think I will ever ‘get’ them either. I know that some children have issues and things going on at home but taking out on others is just beyond me. I think it depends a lot on the parents as well. Teaching them how to control and handle those feelings. You\’re right! Something does need to be done sooner rather than later.
I'm so sad that your daughter had to go through this! Thank you for writing this to remind people that this really does happen to real people. And people need to stand up – go to the principal like you did!
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Thanks so much Karen. I am too but I hope it makes her stronger and gives her the confidence she needs if it should ever happen again. Thanks…had to stick up for my Girlie 😀
Sorry to hear about your daughter. I can sympathize with you. Social media plays such a huge factor in bullying these days. Even with most schools anti-bullying campaigns and their "no contact" after an incident rules, bullying seems to be on the rise. And not the "meet me after school at 3pm bullying" from back in the day, but the relentless bullying. My presence was very well known throughout my daughters school years. Even in college, I may not be there, but the administrators certainly know me. My ear is to the ground for any issues that may arise.
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Thank you so much. Oh yes, Social Media allows a bully to hide behind their computer or phone screen and inflict pain. I am so nervous about when she actually starts using Social Media…that will definitely be regulated by me and her father. Oh I totally agree with being \’known\’ at their schools. I am always there and nearly all the kids know who\’s mom I am.
This is horrible I am so sorry to hear that. This subject worries me greatly as my daughter will be starting school in September. I was bullied in school for one reason or another by different people but like my mom told me, they're jealous and there is nothing wrong with you. Only fight if they touch you and then you kick their butt and let me deal with the school. That's the same thing I will teach my child. Nor will I let my child bully anyone. No way.
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Thank you so much. I think as long as you talk to her and prepare her for the possibility she will do fine. She will know how to react and protect herself. I totally agree with you – if they touch you that takes things to an entirely different level…
This is tough. The world our kids are living in today is so much different than the one we grew up in. I have told my daughter from the day she started school that she should never let anyone push her around and that I would have her back if she ever got in trouble because she was defending herself. Luckily she's never really had to deal with the issue, but my heart goes out to your daughter.
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It is Julian. I don’t think I ever dealt with anything beyond name calling and for me that was easy enough to brush off and recover from. But when it becomes physical it is so much harder to erase the pain especially when there are scars there to remind you of what happened. I have told all my children the same. For me self-defense is something I will always support them in.
Excellent post on the realities of bullying. More parents need to be proactive on both sides and stop adhering to the old perspective that kids will be kids.
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Thanks so much! Yes, that is not an acceptable excuse at all.
Thankfully we've not had to deal with bullies too much. There's always the pain in the a** kid but they get checked pretty quickly.
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I’m so happy you didn’t have to go through this. Yes, we’ve had several of those kids as well but when it becomes physical that’s completely different. They all need to be addressed as soon as possible.
I'm sorry to hear that happened to your daughter. Some children are just aggressive from the start. It sounds like that was the case her. I'm glad your daughter wasn't subjected to it all year.
Thank you. Yes they are and I think it is up to the parents to teach them how to redirect and control that so that it doesn\’t impact other children.
Many people do not realize the long term consequences of bullying. Only 40% of victims ever tell anyone. Often these children become depressed and dysfunctional by the time they are 18 because the issues build even after being removed from the bullying situation. They become life-long victims. Parents should never assume that their child isn't a target if they have high self-esteem. Many times bullies select high self-esteem people with big personalities to attack and sadly, if they work on them long enough, the bullies win. Warning signs that you may miss include total withdrawal from school and immersion in "numbing" activities like drugs, alcohol and video games. If your child is dedicated to video games and you know that they have been bullied, seek professional help immediately. It probably won't resolve itself. Thank you for writing this article and raising awareness.
You are so right. It can be very hard to understand that something that happens one day can have a lifetime of impact and influence. I am just working on being aware and talking to all of my children to be certain that if they are being bullied they understand that it can end, it isn\’t right and it isn\’t their fault. I fell that learning that the issue is not theirs is part of fighting the depression that can be associated with being the victim of bullying.
Sorry to hear about your daughter. I wonder what the other child was going through to be so angry and if the school address those issues.
I wonder that as well. I’m not sure they went as far as an attempt at counseling or not but I do feel it would be helpful.
I feel like bullying is getting more out of control now days. Bullying rarely got physical when I was in school. In fact most of the fights that happened were usually between friends and by they time they came back to school from their suspensions they were friends again. We had an issue with bullying earlier this school year with Moo.
I decided right then and there to make it my business to let my presence be known and became the classroom mom and a school volunteer. I also kept very open communication with her teachers and the principal and made contacts in our school's district office. I'm really hoping that next year we won't have to deal with the same issues, but if so I already have my plan of action ready! I hope your daughter is okay and that the parents of the young man really step up and become more active in teaching him the right ways to conduct himself.
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It really has! I am close friends with my daughters teachers and I am always available to volunteer. You\’re right – making your presence known is a really great way to be sure that you are that parent everyone (including the other kids) knows is aware and will be there should anything need to be addressed. My daughter is much better despite the physical scars but I am not sure about the other student. From what I understand he is still acting out. It is on the parents to be sure he is taught different. Thanks again for coming by today 🙂
First, I have to tell you how much I enjoy your pics on Insta – this is the first time I've been here. Not sure why that is but now that I am, I'm glad. This was sad to read but good, too, because you are right, the word needs to be OUT THERE. Bullies need to be stopped. They are cowards, after all. Sadly. Whatever is going on in their own world that compels them to pick on another… I am sorry that both your children have been affected by this. Mine has been, too. Just recently, in fact; and yes, I wrote about it in a post titled: Mean People Suck – the kiddo handled herself pretty darn well but again, the emotional impact is what we carry with us. That lasts a whole lot longer. Thanks for this and keep on spreading the word.
*Buffered.
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Wow! Thank you so much Sandra! I’m glad you decided to come by 🙂
Yes, it’s all about bringing it into the light. I will have to go check out your post. I’m, glad your daughter handled herself and I hope she doesn’t have to deal with it again. Thanks so much and have a wonderful day!
Having 2 small children of my own, what scares me about this post is how bullying has become so violent! I dealt with being bullied when I was in 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. I eventually left public school and went to a church school. I dealt with bullying again when I was in 10th grade, but in all cases the bullying was verbal. Down right MEAN girls. But never once did they touch me. Not ONCE. What has happened in our society that's giving these children such a so-called "right" to touch our children? Too much. Thank you for this post.
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Hi Rani! Yes! It used to be name calling was pretty much the extent of things and we were just taught that words can’t hurt. But NOW! Now they’ve gone beyond words and it definitely can hurt. I went to a Private school and it was definitely less tolerated there. I know – that misconceived right is something that is unacceptable. I was always taught to keep my hands to myself… we need that to be taught again. Thank you so much for your encouragement and thoughts – it is truly appreciated!
It's great that you are able to have this open form of communication with you kids. It's so important and think that's what some parents are lacking and hence kids taking it out on others. I'm not a parent, but a teacher I try to stay aware of these types of issues. Thanks for sharing.
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Yes Nicole, I am very grateful for that. I try to make sure they know they can always talk to me no matter what and about anything. I know the job of a teacher is one that sometimes comes very close to that of a parent. Kudos to you for being aware and mindful of the issues our children face. Thanks so much for coming by!
How absolutely awful. I'm so sorry that your children have experienced being bullied, it's horrible, disgusting and should happen to no one. I was bullied when I was very young, maybe six or seven by a twelve year old girl in my school. I told my mam and pointed her out to her, then one day when we were driving home we spotted her walking home by herself. My mam pulled the car in by the kerb and said to her "If you ever go near Fiona again I wont be long going to your parents" and some other things. She was shocked, humiliated and least to say she never even looked at me again.
Thank you. It is horrible. Your Mom definitely took care of that situation. My Grandmother was very similar and everyone knew messing with her family wasn\’t going to end well…LOL Thanks so much for sharing your story and for coming by!
My daughter has been targeted a couple times 🙁 The first time she was in second grade and a kid informed her snitches die on their birthday after she reported him for dropping the F bomb in class, this was two weeks before her 8th birthday and she was so scared for her birthday. Then this year we have had issues in fourth grade with very cliquey girls. It’s sad how much this occurs at schools.
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I’m so sorry to hear that Jennifer. OMGOSH!! The F-Bomb in 2nd Grade? Is it just me or are kids becoming more advanced in the worse ways …goodness! It is all very sad and I hope that with your help she finds the courage to face them in spite of their cruelty. Thanks so much for coming by today 🙂
I’m so sorry for what happened to your kids. The incident with your son was hideous but at least he was able to defend himself. But with your daughter it was difficult to forgive because she was shocked with that rudeness and violence.
Thank you so much Pauline! Yes and the school called me about everything with my son. With my daughter the thing that upset me was I didn’t find out until I picked her up. No phone call was made. She is a very loving child but it definitely left an impact.
Sorry to hear this. It is good that you have open communication with your children. That little boy that pushed your daughter may have a mental illness that needs to be addressed but that's no excuse. I hope the principal gets back to you on what actions were taken.
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Thanks Nadeen. Yes, I am so glad they know they can talk to me about anything. Without that this could have ended very differently. You\’re right and either way it needs to be addressed. I hope so too.
Ugh, that is so frustrating that awful behaviors like these are starting as early as Kindergarten. As a teacher, I try to do everything in my power to stay on top of everything going on in my classroom. I feel that literature and journaling are also good ways to learn about not only what is going on with my students, but also to model and teach them important concepts like respect and tolerance.
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Yes, I think that is what surprised me the most. How early it started. Luckily my kiddies teachers were both really aware and stayed on top of everything. Journaling is a great idea! I was first introduced to it in the 6th Grade by one of my favorite teachers…it was the best gift she ever gave me.
I was bullied through my entire school career, save for 5th and 6th when I homeschooled. My daughter was bullied throughout 4th grade. We homeschooled for 5th grade because we refused to send her back to an environment where her health and safety were compromised. That year away from public school gave her time to build her confidence back up, and we had no problems for 6th grade.
Race and culture seems to be such a common theme for bullying. I grew up as a minority – one of the few white kids in a primarily Hispanic city (as did my mother). We both learned how cruel kids can be, especially when race is concerned (the area we lived in was very "us vs them" in terms of whites and Hispanics.) Such tension doesn't solve problems, and the kids are effected the most. It bothers me that adults can't see that.
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I am so sorry you went through that. I hope it doesn’t come to that but I am prepared to do whatever it takes to protect and support my children.
Yes, with my son his mixed race definitely played a major role in the bullying he became victim to. It was so hard to explain to a 5 year old why people felt they had the right to say and treat him a certain way. It didn’t help that some of the adults were the ones teaching these behaviors to their children.
Bullying is becoming out of hand. Yes we know that kids will pick on kids, but I do agree that what is happening now a days is totally unacceptable. I dont have any kids, but I have seen many stories on the news as well as heard stories from my close friends about the lack of help they receive when their children get bullied. I dont think schools are taking this problem seriously enough and I also dont think the parents of the "builliers" take it seriously either.
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It really has Olivia. Picking is one thing but when it becomes a near torture to the other child it has definitely gone too far. I feel my daughter\’s teacher was very aware but you are right the administration and even the parents of the bully need to become more pro-active. Not simply reacting once something has already happened but trying to prevent it.
My oldest starts Kindergarten this year and I don't even know how I would react if he got hurt. He's fairly sensitive and shy at first so I think my Mama Bear side will come out quickly because no one likes seeing their babies get hurt. I hope the principal did do something about it and that the teacher paid more attention to the bully.
Yes, my Mama Bear definitely came out and I think that is good. Follow your instincts and if you think something is not right look into it. Her teacher was actually very aware but the administration did not want to remove him from the school.
Bullying always happens. What I can't understand is why the schools are not taking action. My nephew was bullied when he was in 8th grade. The school said they already talked to the parents, but the bullying continued. When my cousin decided to transfer him to another school because nothing happened to their complaints, the school didn't want them to go. He stuck to his decision and my nephew is now in 9th grade and happy with his new school.
Unfortunately it does. I don’t understand it either. My first question was why did I have to find out at the end of the school day after everything happened. Were they going to contact me at all? This student had been spoken with because of incidents with other students as well. I’m glad your cousin followed through and decided to do what was best for nephew despite the schools desires. Good for him!
This is so stinkin' sad. I was bullied for years as a kid and switched schools because of it, so this issue is so near and dear to my heart. I'm with ya in the fight to stop it, and I'm thinking of and praying for your kiddos. <3
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Thank you so much Erica! I truly appreciate it and hope it doesn’t need to come to that.
This is a great post and bullying sucks. I am so sorry that your family had to experience it. My oldest had a bully the beginning of the year but the situation was able to be handled quickly thankfully.
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Thanks!! I’m sorry you had to deal with it too but so grateful both our situations were able to be addressed and handled quickly.
I hate bullies. I just don't get why someone thinks that is ever ok. My daughter was a victim in middle school. This girl at her lunch table decided my daughter's lunch was going to be hers. When my daughter refused, she dug her fingernails into my daughter's wrist until she bled. My daughter didn't know what to do and didn't tell anyone until I picked her up. Let's just say I was livid. That girl was the daughter of a teacher, a teacher my daughter had every single day. The girl was suspended, but then the counselor told my daughter that she had to "take turns" sitting at the lunch table with this girl. WHAT? My kid was the victim here. I had to once again go back and ask what the heck they were thinking. Ridiculous!
Me Too! Especially now. I don’t remember dealing with them much until way later in school. Little kiddies should not have to worry about things like this so soon. Oh see now I would have definitely made a bit stink about that… blood drawn and that is beyond intentional…I’m glad you spoke up and fought for your daughter. I can’t believe the student was the child of a teacher!! I guess it doesn’t matter if a child has those tendencies sometimes it happens regardless of what the parent teaches. Definitely ridiculous though.
oh no (((HUGS))) to you all… I agree with you, enough is enough. When will schools really take action. I see lots of programs about stop bullying, but nothing really gets done. I fear for my son, he is a sweet and kind boy and tries to be friends with everyone, but I can see him getting picked on.
I think schools need to go beyond the programs and teach to react. I think we need to teach kids to ALL stand up to bullies and not just watch. We need to teach kids taht if they stand together bullies will stop.
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Thanks so much! That’s just it – they have programs, classes and procedures but then it still seems to just happen without anyone paying any real attention. I am glad that it was addressed but not so much that I had to make a bit of noise before it happened. My daughter is a bit shy and introverted which seems to paint a target on her for the bullies.
I agree that the lessons need to move beyond talk and more into how to act and react. Thanks so much for coming by Karen!
You are correct, bullying must be addressed and can't be swept under the carpet! I'm not one for confrontation, either, but if you mess with my kids, look out, I'm coming for you. So glad you didn't let it go.
Thanks Alli! I think my Kiddies are about the only thing that will make me forget my fear of confrontation…LOL I don\’t even do it for myself but for them…Heck yeah!
People seem to think bullies will just go away and we should ignore them. We need to get people to talking and letting their kids know that if it's happening to them it's not ok and if their bullying someone it's not ok. The biggest thing is parents and kids need to realise that ignoring a bully will not help. Great post!
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You’re right Brittany but ignoring them only seems to give them more room to bully and become an even greater threat. Talking it out is so important with my son he told me but my daughter seemed a bit more reserved and kept things to herself for longer. I am encouraging all my Kiddies to speak when ANYthing is happening no matter what. Thanks so much!
Powerful post! My heart goes out to you and your children in every situation. I am SO sorry your family had to experience this. You have done a superb job in educating your children how to deal with this bullying madness. I worked as a School Counselor for years and was constantly working with children & parents who have been through the same thing or their children were the bullies. This has to be addressed by the entire community because our children will carry the scars with them or if they are the bully they will carry these behaviors into adulthood. I am constantly telling my children that even being a bystander (watching the bullying happen) is as if you are a participant. I tell them to quickly "stand up" for their friends then "tell an adult". We (teachers, parents, students, community activists) have to all stand up and no longer tolerate any type of bullying behavior.
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Thank you Tiffani! I can’t imagine being on the side of the administration and needing to deal with this on a daily basis. I felt overwhelmed just with my children’s experiences. Kudos to all the teachers and counselors who go above and beyond to be certain that bullies don’t get away with what they are doing. I agree so much with the bystander thing. Not doing anything is almost just as bad as being the bully. We all need to have the courage to say and do something.
I was bullied as a child and would fight tooth and nails if anything happens to my children. Part of my problem was the teachers. I applaud you for standing up for your children and making the principle aware of the problem. The more we speak out the better life will be for everyone.
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I am so sorry to hear that. Bullying is NEVER okay. Thank you so much and I hope you never have to go through it with your children.
Bullying sucks! There is no way around it. I've had to deal with it first hand with my son this year. I am praying next year will be better.
It really does! For the children and all involved. I pray the same for you and for mine.
Amazing post, Tiffany! I am so sorry that your lovelies had to deal with such nastiness! Mine have too, I am sad to say. My oldest took it for several years, before he had dealt with it enough and fought back in a major way. Lil man, dealt with it too, often letting it slide, but becoming angry on the inside. Then it happened to lil miss and he could not allow it to happen to her, so he ended up slamming the boy against a wall and told him to leave his little sister alone. While I don't condone the violence, I could not be upset at the way he protected his little sister, because that is how we taught him. Sadly bullying can be found everywhere from children to adults, and it definitely needs to stop!
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Thank you so much Stacey! It was definitely something I had to learn and adjust to as it happened but I am glad that I was able to deal with it, address it and hopefully make steps for a few changes. I will be more prepared with my youngest 2 children. I have learned to expect anything. I would not have blamed or punished your son at all. We teach all of our children to protect and stand up for each other no matter what. We would be disappointed if they didn’t. I think he did what he felt was needed given the situation.
I was bullied when i was in 4th grade by 6th graders. I was too scared to tell my mom.. weird. Not sure why I was scared to tell her. Possibly because I thought she would confront the bullies and make it worse!
Oh No!! Older kids bullying younger must be so scary I’ve never thought that she may be worried about what I’d do. It’s possible. She does know her Momma 😉