Have you ever been in a situation when you know your feelings are there but for whatever reason you decide they don’t need to be? So you start the messy job of trying to hide them and keep them undercover to either keep the peace or simply avoid conflict. Yet no matter how hard you try to disguise them somehow you always end up in a moment where your feelings are showing.
Throughout my life I have always had trouble addressing my emotions. Never is that more difficult than when dealing with family. I haven’t always had the best relationships and for me trust is always something I struggle to offer people. So when I do and I feel that trust has been abused or betrayed my feelings go into over-drive.
Whether it be hurt, sadness, anger or annoyance I rather ignore and disguise than address them directly. I never want the conflict that expressing them would most likely bring. So I hide them. I say nothing and do all I can to remove myself completely. I present everything as being ‘okay‘ even when on the inside I am screaming – on the outside I smile and make nice. Or so I think…
Your Feelings Are Showing
The problem is, when I fail to address them, those same feelings seem to find their way into my life in every other way. I become grumpy, irritable, moody and at times flat out mean. Despite my desire to avoid the situation I end up creating an entirely new one through my actions and the way my secret feelings begin to show themselves.
Then comes the time when those feelings and the awkwardness they create between me and whoever reach the boiling point. They simply can’t be ignored anymore and either the person decides to address things or someone else decides it has gone on too long. That’s when I am forced into a confrontation – the exact thing I didn’t want in the first place something I normally try to avoid at all costs.
I am not what anyone would call a confrontational person. So when I am forced into a place where I have no choice it is always most uncomfortable for me and in most times a bit uncomfortable for the other party as well. I am that person who gets so upset I cry. Yup cry. Not sadness or hurt but my anger get so overwhelming it’s about the only way it can get out. Then I become angry at myself because I think the tears show weakness. This just fuels things even more and things almost always end in yelling, misunderstanding and the destruction of a relationship.
Is It Me?
It can be really difficult to take a step back and glance in the mirror. No matter how hard we try many of us prefer to think we are right, justified and completely innocent when situations go wrong. Yet sometimes that isn’t always the truth. There are times when we should ask ourselves…
- Who am I truly upset with – this person or someone/something else?
- What can I do to express this better?
- Where are my feelings really coming from – hurt, envy, jealousy…?
- Why did I choose to hide them?
- How can I take responsibility?
It is so much easier to simply blame the other person. It’s all their fault for making me feel the way I do and therefore I don’t need to do anything. Easy but not true. Perhaps they are at fault in some ways but it does not mean my responses were justified. I am not responsible for their actions but I am responsible for my reactions.
I may not be there fully but understanding that hiding my feelings only for them to show up in other ways isn’t a solution but merely a delay to resolving an issue is already a step in the right direction.
How do you react to conflict?
Address it directly or Avoid it completely?
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60 thoughts on “Your Feelings Are Showing”
Wow, what an open and honest post! I applaud you for posting this. I think I was taught early on that people are basically good and since I always assume that, I am usually the last to place blame on others. The only people who, honestly, don't get this benefit is my family which seems so backwards. I wish I could look at things more analytically when they are involved. Thanks for sharing on Merry Monday.
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Thanks so much Rachel! I think I may be the same in that I always try to give everyone a clean slate until they prove me wrong. It\’s funny how be can be the hardest on our family. Maybe we think because they know us or love us they can handle it? It isn\’t easy to take a step back and see things but most times it is worth it in the end. I hope you\’re having an amazing weekend.
This is something that although I know I do, I had never seriously stopped to consider how and why. Yes, I too am the one who cries. I can't help it. Sometimes I don't know how else to express myself. You have given me some serious insight and for that, I appreciate it!! Stopping by from Turn it Up Tuesday
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Hi Kelly! Sometime the why behind our actions can give us the most insight. Oh the crying! Yes, I hate when it happens but I can\’t help it either…my voice gets all shaky and I know the other person sees it as a weakness but oh if they only knew the anger behind it …LOL I\’m so happy you found something you could relate to within this post. I am so happy you came by! xoxo
As I read your post I found myself shaking my head in agreement with so many points you made, Tee. I am the same way. I avoid conflict like the plague! I've always felt that I could just hide my feelings and pretend everything was okay with a fake smile. That doesn't make the problem go away, but I don't stop doing it. My feelings usually come up in smoke after I've held them in for so long and one little thing causes all of the feelings to flood out of me.
I'm working on being more assertive and expressing when things bother me in a tactful, nonthreatening way. Because I hate blowing up and being dubbed the drama queen once I've held it in for way too long.
Thanks so much for sharing this post, Tee. It really helped me to look inward and reevaluate how I handle conflict. xoxo
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Yes. You’ve described how I felt as I wrote it. It definitely doesn’t make the problem go away but usually just creates more issues. Thank you so much for coming by Dre and I am so happy you found a bit of something to relate to in this post.
I try to just be myself every day. I don't like confrontations either. I try to just stay level headed at all times, but it is not easy. I like your questions to reflect and figure out what is going on. I need to work on this myself.
That’s a great approach. Keeping a level head can definitely help diffuse a situation. Thanks so much for coming by Krystal!
I do not believe other people can "make" us feel any certain way, but I do believe we should express our feelings versus holding them in. Discernment is required to know when is the appropriate time and to what extent to show one's emotions, however. It is not a black and white issue. There are lots of gray areas. I like to remain stress-free or as close to it. The one thing I notice is being around those who do not know "how" to express their emotions or those who "hold back" their emotions end up causing more stressful situations because it is always "in the air" so I steer clear of those type of people as much as possible.
No. They can only make you feel what you allow. I agree. Yet sometimes holding in feelings is the only way to avoid conflict. Discernment is definitely a skill that can help with learning how to release your feelings and still avoid or at least bring the conflict to a minimum. I think it is good to understand that sometime when people are holding back or even withholding their emotions about a situation it may be because they are simply working it out within. Perhaps they just need a bit of time and understanding. Thanks so much for coming by and sharing your views on this topic. It is always great to see what someone else may think on something.
I address my problems or issues with a person head on. I don't see a reason not to. If you can't accept me being open enough to be myself with you then we don't need to be acquainted. Not saying that they can't feel 'some kinda way' about your feelings in return but at least let me address it. I don't like there being an elephant in the room…or in this case in my mind. It's so much better to take that elephant back to its circus because sometimes all that drama is just in your head. LOL.
Being able to do that is great. I am working my way towards it. I love your guidelines for people being around you. It’s true – if they can’t accept you for who and how your are then maybe they don’t need to be there. The elephant in the room is the most difficult part of hiding your feelings…knowing that the issue is there but never having it addressed. ‘back to the circus’ Love it! Thanks so much for coming by 😀
This was wonderufl. I am one of those people who always shows my feelings.
Thanks!! I need to take a few lessons. 🙂
Thankfully my life is drama free, but I do remember my younger years…yuck! #BLMGirls great post.
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I’m happy my drama is to a minimum. Most of my conflicts are from silly misunderstandings or when I don’t speak my feelings. Oh those teen years though…lol
Thanks for discussing this, this is exactly how I am, too! I'm not confrontational but I'm also the kind of person who tries hard to not hurt other's feelings so I have a hard time dealing with what to do when I am upset about something. I have learned, however, that for me personally, it does help much more for me to just talk about it openly with someone right away instead of trying to push it away because it will eventually boil up and be worse.
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Most times it is very easy for me with those outside my family but when that family factor is added in it becomes a lot more difficult. Talking about it definitely helps avoid more drama in the end.
Thank you for putting how I feel in words. I always want to be the one that doesn't cause any problems. I don't like confrontations either.
Well at least I know that I\’m not alone.. I\’m glad you can relate. Confrontations are the worse…
My issue is trying to hide my true emotions and feelings when I know they will hurt someone else's feelings. OMGoodness, it sometimes can eat me up inside holding it all in. Over time, everything smoothes over while sometimes, I do hit a boiling point and everything just comes rushing out. I also cry when I am upset, and my face will turn red with anger.
Yes, trying to think of others can at times make it harder on yourself. Truthfully saying it when the feelings are there will probably spare them more than waiting for things to reach a boiling point. Oh yes, the angry cry – so frustrating.
Thank you for opening up and talking about this. You are so right that it always feels easier to hide your feelings than confront them but then they create eve bigger problems in the end. It's something we have to remind ourselves not to do. Thanks for the reminder.
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Thank you for coming by and leaving such an encouraging comment Christina.
can totally relate! My family always has a problem speaking out feelings and then they bubble out in other areas! Luckily my husband is so level headed he's rubbed off on me and I can manage my feels a bit better 🙂
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My husband brings me a bit of balance as well so I am lucky like you. That bubbling over can be dangerous at times 😀
I can definitely relate to your struggle! Most of the time, I keep my emotion to myself, especially when it comes to anger. I try to avoid confrontation as best as I can. But like you said, it is more about delaying than resolving the root of the problem. To me, writing has always been a way for me to understand my true feelings. Writing it down is a therapy and a way to find the solution. Great post!
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Yes, I can share other emotions but anger seems to be so overwhelming for some reason…
Oh writing. Writing has definitely given me release – hence this very post LOL
My husband has the worst poker face. He shows his emotions on his sleeve. I personally can hide mine pretty well until I explode that is. I really like the questions you ask yourself for self reflection though. That really helps work through issues.
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LOL… yeah that\’s me too. Melissa everything shows on my face sometimes before I can catch it. It\’s so bad my husband always tells me \’watch your face\’ LOL
Oh yes, me too!! I hate conflict so I just avoid confrontations and hide my feelings. I'm sure it's not the best thing to do.
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Hi Stacie! It isn\’t the best at all but sometimes it is so much easier. We\’ll get better though I\’m sure 🙂
It is so good that you recognize that the feelings will not be ignored. They will show up somewhere else in your life so you might as well deal wiht them the first time around. Great read!
I guess that is the first step…thanks so much for coming by 😀
I have always had the attitude of I will address the conflict head on and resolve it but then there are situations where I am like you and I 100% avoid the situation and go as far as running away. I am a crier always have been so even when I face the conflict on I end up 'loosing' to my tears.
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Yes! It definitely depends on the situation. If it has something to do with my kids or protecting my family then I have no issues but when it\’s more personal and more about me that\’s when I totally remove myself. Oh I HATE loosing to my tears… sill little things that they are. 😉
I tend to avoid it and it usually all comes back at once in a giant outburst. Lately I've been trying to address my feelings as soon as I'm feeling them instead of letting them pile up. Its not the easiest, but I've felt a lot better and my relationships with family and friends has been so much nicer.
Oh Candia. The outbursts. I am notorious for them but I am trying to get better. Letting them go immediately would definitely be helpful… I\’m glad you\’re making progress…
I am a total avoider….and act like I address it. Great post – I find that we often want to blame others for our life, when in reality it's our response to the situations that cause the greater effect.
Thanks! Yes, my response has fueled so many situations way beyond what they needed to be.
I do the exact same things. I go out of my way to avoid conflict with family members and it causes me so much stress that I have gotten an ulcer from it. I've always felt it was important not to cause even more problems, but I'm learning the hard way that it's simply not healthy. I need to stop and ask myself these questions the next time I'm feeling used and abused!
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See Rena that’s where I’m trying not to be. I don’t want my anger and hidden feelings to force me to have physical effects. Thanks so much for coming by…
OMG…I wear my feelings on my sleeve..it's so bad and then I hold it up inside too…and take it out at the wrong times. I am an understanding person too…so I need to learn to be understanding first then think about how to deal with the emotions later.
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It can be so difficult to find a good balance. You don\’t want to be a walking nerve ending but you don\’t want to bottle everything up either…
I don't like conflict at all so I do everything in my power to avoid it. I tend to hold some things in and that's not good either – not necessarily with my family, but with other people.
That\’s me! But then I stew on the inside which comes out in the worse ways most times…LOL
Hiding emotions is very hard – I am quite emotive with family as in general terms they will forgive you no matter how much you voice your opinion or anger, upset, hurt etc. Definitely need to find a fine balance though, you need to be at one with yourself! Sim x
It really is. I am the opposite – with family I feel like I have to be so careful but with others I tend to be an open book… LOL
Yes I was like that when I was younger. Finally I realized I like most people and those that I did not like did not deserve to be treated badly, I merely decided which ones deserve more attention.
Hi Pauline…I will be glad when I get to that point. I\’m working my way there 🙂
I can totally agree with this. I let my feelings get the best of me one year, til it started to affect me both emotionally and physically. I had to learn to let go and let God. If I hadn't, it would have eaten me up inside.
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Yes, when it starts to impact other parts of your life and your physical health that\’s when you know it needs to be addressed. Letting God is the only way for sure – thanks so much for coming by Lowanda…
Depending on who the conflict is with, will depend on how I handle it. Often times I ignore it and hope it passes. Sometimes I do let it build up until I explode.
Hoping it passes has always been my go to but it doesn\’t seem to be working and the explosion is not very pretty…
I tend to keep things in, show no emotion and just deal with this inside. It just seems like the easy way to do things.
I think conflict keeps a lot of people from expressing themselves fully. I hate feeling at odds with people. It\’s just so darn awkward!
It's like I am reading about myself. I stew, then I confront, then I move on. I'm actually in one of those stews right now with someone. This was a very open content and I appreciate all your thoughts on a subject many do not want to admit about themselves. Linking from Mommy Monday
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Yes, my stew period can last for what seems like forever at times….LOL I am trying so hard to get away from that.
I struggle with this nonstop!! I am a person who shows my feelings but won’t talk about them while my husband just bottles them up. It can be so hard to find a good balance in yourself and with others as well.
See I talk but only after they’ve built up for a bit…not so good LOL It is definitely necessary to find a good balance.