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“. . . Stop chasing likes and start liking yourself” – Actor Boris Kodjoe

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The overall theme of the intimate conversation with actor Boris Kodjoe at this year’s True To Yourself Black History Month Talk Series was one of confidence, assertion, and encouragement. Boris took the time to sit down with the community of Fayetteville and share his thoughts, stories, and lessons on what it means to be true to yourself.

Presented by The Arts Council Fayetteville | Cumberland County and Sponsored by Piedmont Natural Gas The True To Yourself Black History Month Talk Series entered its second year with high expectations and big goals for impacting our community through the life experiences of successful African Americans. I can truly say they met and accomplished both.

Actor, Businessman and Philanthropist Boris Kodjoe arrived with a willingness to share from his truth with a mix of wisdom and humor. Our Moderator for the evening Judge Toni King accepted his challenge to ask him questions he hadn’t heard before in turn he gave answers I’m not sure many of us expected to hear.

The range of topics covered everything from his life growing up as a black boy in Germany, his choice to step into the world of acting after a successful career as a model for the Ford modeling agency to his business pursuits and charitable passions.

It was obvious to see with each moment he took to answer this moment was not something he took lightly.

We were the only two black boys on our street, our town, our state . . .

As a black boy raised by a white mother in Germany Boris and his brother Patrick faced a unique set of challenges. Teasing, bullying and struggling to find their identities in a home without a father present.
Boris admits it was difficult:
We were bullied every day. Wrong hair, wrong skin color, wrong names, and my father wasn’t there so we were left to fend for ourself. My mother is white and she tried her hardest to let us know we were perfect as who we were and we shouldn’t listen to people but that kinda gets old.
Yet in the midst of it, he found someone to look to as an example to guide him into being the man he is today.
I had a tennis coach who was only about 10 years older than me and he became my role model. To be steadfast and confident in who I was and to know that I had a right to be exactly who I was and didn’t have to conform to anyone else’s perception.

Yes and Thank You Very Much

Boris came to the United States to study Marketing at Virginia Commonwealth University. The thing was he understood no English and his responses were pretty much limited to Yes and Thank You Very Much.

Boris told us the story of how the ladies at the school would often approach him and whisper rather inappropriate things to him simply to laugh when all he could respond with was Yes or Thank You Very Much.

After he was discovered by Ford Modeling Agency Boris decided to take acting classes to learn to speak English. From there his career has become one driven by his willingness to remain open to the opportunities that came to him.
Modeling at the time served a purpose. It was a great opportunity to travel the world – make some money meet a lot of people but it’s not a very challenging occupation. So, acting is definitely more fulfilling and also acting leads to directing, writing, producing.

Every role has its purpose

Boris has been blessed to have an acting career that has given him a steady cast of roles in both movies and on the small screen. Yet in his success, he has not lost his focus on what truly matters.
Characters are significant at certain points of my life and chapters of my life. So every single character I’ve played I associate certain memories I’ve had during that time.
During the filming of The Gospel Boris and Nicole were expecting their first child. He added a clause within his contract with Sony that he would be allowed to leave as soon as he heard his wife Nicole was in labor – which they did.
So that movie to me is a very special film because we were having Sophie.

There’s no such thing as Skyrocket.

When an audience member asked Boris what skyrocketed his career his response was a quick one:
I’m still waiting. There’s no such thing as overnight success.
With faith, resilience, hard work you will walk your path and you will experience the highs and the lows and hopefully, the highs outweigh the lows but even the lows are learning experiences. Without the lows, there are no highs.

…I’m focused on these three people

When asked how he finds a balance between his life with his wife Nicole Ari Parker and his career Boris seemed baffled. He approaches his marriage in a way where Nicole, his daughter Sophie and son Nicholas are the priority – always. Everything else must line up with that.
Jealousy? Of who or what should I be jealous of? When you prioritize that way when you put first what empowers you, what fortifies you, what feeds you, what loves you unconditionally then everything around that falls into place automatically. There’s no need to balance or juggle anything because I’m focused on these three people and when something interferes I take a look and ask myself does it fit – if it does it’ll be successful if it doesn’t – I don’t have time for it.

To young men today . . .

As a man who grew up without the influence of his own father, Boris has taken the difficulties from his childhood and repurposed them to give him the tools to inspire and encourage young men today.
His advice to those raising young black men:
Love them up all the time because when you love them up all the time they will have confidence..they will have confidence to face the challenges that they will undoubtedly face in their life.
The only way to combat that [stereotypes] is by embracing them collectively as a village because it’s our responsibility to embrace them.
They don’t have to compensate for all these stereotypes by being more aggressive, more assertive it’s really the opposite. They can be kind and they can be settled in their manhood without having to prove anything.

Whenever you are a service you are successful.

Boris was asked why he chose the businesses he has chosen to pursue outside of his career.
When your business benefits as many people as possible – you become successful. When you make it about self you are isolating yourself from great opportunities.
World of Alfa is a custom suit and apparel company Boris and his brother Patrick own. The vision behind his company is to offer customers quality suits and apparel to an international consumer base at an affordable price.

Alfa’s mission is to make the luxury of the highest quality, handcrafted, custom-tailored clothing and accessories accessible to everyone.
The desire to offer a service doesn’t stop with Boris. His wife Nicole pushed for the invention of a head wrap that would allow women to workout without sacrificing their hair. Her Gym Wrap takes away the excuse of sweating with a moisture wick technology while helping to combat the epidemic of obesity and health issues in women.

Together Boris and Nicole have founded Sophie’s Voice a foundation focused on supporting global health and wellness initiatives in multicultural communities.
Sophie’s Voice Foundation was founded in 2008 by actors Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker in honor of their daughter Sophie who was diagnosed with Spina Bifida at birth. By dedicating themselves to a healthy lifestyle they found ways to address not only their daughters mental, physical and medical needs but also the needs of their entire family. Boris and Nicole have committed their resources and celebrity to educate multicultural communities worldwide on the importance of families working together to build healthy lifestyles one day at a time.

Drake . . . every once in a while

Judge Toni King even had a bit of fun with the questions she had for Boris. Here are a few fun facts we learned:
Musicians He Admires:
“People who got something to say”
Kendrick Lamar
J. Cole
Drake ‘…every once in a while’

Did You Know Boris worked with Drake when he was 14 on the set of Soul Food when he played a high school kid?  According to Boris ‘the way he talks now he didn’t talk then’

Boris is fluent in German, French, and English and speaks some Spanish.

Boris met his wife Nicole on the set of Soul Food and knew instantly he was ‘in trouble’. So much so that he went to therapy for 9 months before approaching her to make sure he was ready to be who she needed him to be.

Favorite Food:
Wienerschnitzel

Favorite Movies:
Braveheart
Wakanda [Black Panther]

Currently Reading:
How To Kill A Mockingbird

Thanks for talking with us, Boris

I think the thing that impressed me most about the True To Yourself Black History Talk Series was Boris’ answer to the main focus of this entire event. What does it mean to be True To Yourself?
True to yourself means that everybody in here can be the star of their own movie once they decide to stop being an extra in somebody else’s.
You just have to understand that no matter who you are or where you come from you have the innate ability to write your story. All you have to do is be true to who you are because you are the only human on this earth who knows exactly what it feels like to be you. That feeling gives you a power that nobody else has.
. . . Stop chasing likes and start liking yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you believe in Jesus Christ, Allah, Budda . . . or any other source of strength and love. What matters is that we use that very source to find the courage to first like you, then be you then be you to the fullest of your imagination the biggest of your ambitions the widest of your dreams and always no matter what anyone says or anyone comments on your IG feed always believe in you. Never apologize for you are but celebrate every fabric of your being because those who cannot see your light will stay in darkness and those who see it they will dance with you.
Here’s your chance to see what I saw during the True To Yourself Black History Talk Series with Boris Kodjoe. You get to take a look at everything from the VIP Meet & Greet hosted by Cadillac of Fayetteville to the main event at JW Seabrook Auditorium.

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